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One of the biggest sources of discontent is comparing
yourself to other people, or your life to what you see others
doing. Or what you’ve accomplished compared to what others
have done.
I find people comparing themselves to me all the time: they
want to be as successful, or as simple, or as happy with their
families, or as bald. (OK, the last one isn’t true.)
Of course, they are comparing themselves to a fantasy. In
real life, I’m not what they think I am. And in reality, no one
you see is what you think they are — you only see certain parts
of the story, the good parts, and rarely see the person’s doubt
and anguish and discontent. People don’t share their warts and
hemorrhoids, just the great pictures of their food and vacation
and children.
So you’re comparing yourself to a fantasy, an illusion, and
of course the reality of your life (and who you are) comes up
wanting. This exercise is worse than useless — it’s actually
harming you because you are less content as a result of the
comparison.
Whenever you find yourself comparing the good parts of
someone else’s life to the bad parts of yours, or thinking what
you could be doing instead, stop yourself. Just stop. You are
actively hurting yourself, and that’s not a compassionate act.
Instead, look at what you’re doing right now, and be happy
with that. What you’re doing now can be (and probably is)
amazing. Appreciate the gift of this moment. It’s a miracle.
Action step: Think about the times you’ve compared
yourself to others, and what others are doing, especially
recently. Where did you get the image of others that you’re
comparing yourself to? Social media or apps, news, blogs,
movies, magazines?
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